Lambda Book Report ( Jan-March 2005) Review by Richard S. Ferri

Book Review

Diaries are by their very nature personal journeys. If Mom's Not Dead by 9, I'm Leaving by Charlene Roycht is a journey that is one of the hardest to travel--watching your mother die. It can be raw, funny and powerful--and that's just the dying process. However, this is not a sad book. It is a book about how Roycht found inner strength, forgiveness and peace with God and her dying mother.

I made this journey with my own parents a few years ago and emotions Roycht brings to the surface are very real and extremely complicated. Just the title of her book alone will probably give some readers pause. However, it conveys the feeling of wanting someone you love to be free from pain and the boundaries of this life. It is a very mixed emotion that only comes after much reflection and soul searching. It takes a very strong and brave person to make peace and let go.

Many times in the book Roycht describes that horrible struggle of needing to go home and care for herself and leave her mother in the hospital. She looks for anyone to give her permission; these accounts are very touching. She also conveys the frustration of her own life not standing still just because her mother is dying. Bills have to be paid. The dogs walked. Work attended to. The world does not come to a halt because of her crisis. In fact, it seems to spin out of control.

There is a very moving moment in the middle of the book where Roycht writes: "it feels like the beginning of the end, writing in mom's room, toledo hospital, after lunch. i came yesterday, after a call from donna sharing, 'well, it is serious.'" You can hear the quiet panic and realization in later pages of the inevitable outcome.

Then, of course, there are the moments when her mother rallies and Roycht has to keep hope in realistic check. She deftly conveys it is not easy being a person of faith and a realist. Little things, like her mother's increased appetite, are reasons to rejoice. However, they are not reasons to deny the journey of dying.

Toward the end of the book I wish Roycht had spent more time on dealing with the aftermath of her mother's death. No matter your age, thee is a sense of abandonment after you lose a parent. There is also a great sense of relief. Roycht touches on this in several brief chapters, but more details would have made the end of her book more powerful.

I do have several issues with this book. First, the typeset is all lowercase. This is very distracting from the story. maybe all my years as an editor got in the way, but I had to struggle not to take out my blue pencil and correct the pages. Secondly, people are introduced by name with very little information about who they are in relationship to the author or the story. This is a pitfall of diaries in general, but it was also very distracting. I had to constantly remind myself who each person was in the greater picture.

If Mom's Not Dead by 9, I'm Leaving is a simple yet powerful read. It rings out truth and Roycht writes from her heart.